It's the Great Pumpkin, Abel Nightroad
by Mari Kazara
Summary: Halloween classic meets Trinity Blood


**It's the Great Pumpkin, Abel Nigtroad**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Trinity Blood or Peanuts and I am not making money so you can't sue me._

(Asta and Ion go out to the New Human Empire Pumpkin Patch.)

Ion: How about this one?

Asta: Too small.

Ion: This one?

Asta: Still too small.

Ion: There is that one that's size of a camel.

Asta: Perfect, hurry up and get it.

Ion: Why do I have to get it?

Asta: Because I am bigger then you and I'll beat you up if you don't.

Ion: That's a good reason.

(He cut the pumpkin off the vine and rolls the pumpkin back to the house. Then they put it on the table. Asta then brings out a knife and cuts the top of the pumpkin off.)

Ion: You didn't tell me you were going to kill it!

Asta: Don't be silly, this is a Methuselah pumpkin.

Ion: So.

Asta: I didn't us a silver knife.

--

Vaclav: What are you doing out here, Tres?

Tres: I am raking up the leaves as ordered.

William: Hurray! A leaf pile.

(He jumps up in the air and lands in the center of it. When he gets up all the leaves are stuck all over him.)

Vaclav: Their stuck to him like candy.

William: I knew I shouldn't have borrowed Abel's uniform.

--

Leon: Hey, four-eyes, I got a football. How about practicing a few place kicks? I'll hold the ball and you come running and kick it.

Abel: I will not! Every time I come running, you pull the ball away from me. I've fallen so many times on these cobble stones that they have left a permanent pattern on my butt.

Leon: This time you can trust me. Here is a sign document testify that I won't pull it away.

Abel: A signed document! Well, I guess I can't go wrong with a signed document.

(He runs up and tries to kick the ball but Leon pulls it away and Abel falls down.)

Leon: Funny thing about this document, it was signed by convicted criminal and as we know a convicted criminal signature on a document isn't worth anything.

--

Petro: (writing) Dear Great Pumpkin, I'm looking forward to your arrival on Halloween night. Hope you will bring me lots of presents. My old weapon is looking kinda shabby, I could use a new one, and I'll take anything that goes "boom" and creates a lot of destruction.

Kate: Who are you writing to, Petro?

Petro: This is the time of year to write to the Great Pumpkin. On this night he rides through the air with his bag of presents, punishing all the heretics, and honor good knights, like myself.

Kate: You must be crazy? When are you going to stop believing in something that not true?

Petro: I suppose you like the guy in the red suit who gives _toys_ to _children_. What a waste.

Kate: This is obviously a case of denial and greed.

Petro: (writing) You must get discourage because more people believe in Santa then in you. Perhaps if you advertised, there is a space available in the Vatican Gazette.

(Paula notices that Petro is writing a letter, she gets angry and grabs him by the shirt.)

Paula: Not again, writing a letter to a stupid pumpkin. You're making me the laughing stock of the Vatican. All they talk about is my stupid partner, who always writes to the Great Pumpkin. You better cut it out or I'll pull out the entrails from you body.

Petro: There are three things that I have learned never to discuss with Paula; the fact the she is women, the vampire that got away, and the Great Pumpkin.

Dietrich: Your wasting your time the Great Pumpkin is a fake. I'll have to strangle you to prove it.

Radu: How will strangling him prove that there is no Great Pumpkin?

Dietrich: It won't, but it will make me feel better.

Radu: Well you can't now; we need your string for the giant spider web.

Dietrich: Ah, man.

Petro: (writing) Everyone tells me that you are a fake, but I believe in you.

P.S. If you really are a fake, I will hunt you down and kill you and all your family.

Tres: What is this you are doing, Brother Petro?

Petro: I rather not say, you would only laugh.

Tres: I am unable to laugh.

Petro: Oh, well, I am writing to the Great Pumpkin. On Halloween night the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch and flies through the air to bring weapons to all the good knights. Wouldn't you like to sit with me in the pumpkin patch on Halloween night and wait for the Great Pumpkin?

Tres: It sounds quite educational.

William: What's going on here? Don't feed Tres a bunch of false information like that!

Come on Tres.

(Tres follows after William.)

(Petro sighs and heads out of the room and towards the mailbox.)

Paula: Oh, no you don't. You'll have to fight me if you want to get to mailbox.

Petro: Oh, look a heretic!

Paula: Where?

(Petro runs while Paula is distracted and thrust his letter in to the mailbox. Afterwards he keeps running away from Paula.)

Petro: Curses! Come back and fight like a man!

--

Abel: Hey, I got an invitation to a Halloween party!

(He begins to dance around.)

Vaclav: Is it the Invitation to the Vatican party.

Abel: Yes, it's the first time ever been invited to a Halloween party; just think of all the candy that will be there.

Vaclav: Oh, yeah, the candy.

Listen Abel, we almost didn't invite you because we know how you get around candy.

Abel: You don't worry; I promise I'll be good.

Vaclav: Well, I guess its okay then.

(Petro walks pass them into the pumpkin patch carrying a "Welcome Great Pumpkin" sign.)

--

(Everyone is gathered together in a room talking about their costumes.)

--

Radu: Isaak, are you going to wear a costume.

Isaak: Why? There is nothing scarier then me.

Radu: Good point.

--

Noelle: A person should always choose a costume, which is in direct contrast to her own personality.

(Noelle comes out as a hooker.)

--

Tres: Paula, is Petro coming to the party with you?

Paula: No, that stupid idiot is out in the pumpkin patch making his yearly fool of himself.

Cain: That guy is just not normal.

Kate: And I suppose you are.

Cain: Of course.

Tres: Perhaps there is a Great Pumpkin.

Kate: Every year Petro misses going trick-or-treating and then the Halloween party.

Ion: He'll never learn.

Tres: Do I get to experience this "trick-or-treating" experience with you.

Caterina: Of, coarse we would be happy to have you come along.

Tres: How is it accomplished?

Caterina: Well, you go up to a house, ring the door and when it opens you say "trick-or-treat".

Tres: Is this legal?

Virgil: Of, coarse it legal.

Tres: Isn't it called" begging"?

Caterina: It's not begging when it's Halloween.

--

Asta: Abel, what are you suppose to be?

Abel: Shirley Temple.

Asta: You don't look Shirley Temple.

Abel: I put a cherry on top of my head.

--

Leon: Great costume Radu.

Radu: Thanks.

Leon: Only you could come as a gas stove.

--

Kate: They will never know it's me in this costume.

Ion: Hi, Kate.

Kate: How did you know it was me?

Ion: No one else can hover six inches off the ground.

--

Caterina: Very clever, Vaclav.

Vaclav: Thank you.

Caterina: You're a natural to be the Invisible man.

--

(William enters into the room.)

Paula: What in the world kind of costume is that?

Tres: He is an apocalyptic war flying ace.

Francesco: Now, I heard everything.

Esther: Alright everybody we'll go trick-or-treating and then to the Vatican for the big party.

--

(William sneaks away from the others and heads towards his flying car, while the others head to the pumpkin patch where Petro is sitting.)

Petro: Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?

Paula: You idiot your going to miss all the fun like last year, you and your stupid Great Pumpkin.

Petro: Hey, you can insult me all you like, but no one talks bad about the Great Pumpkin.

Besides he knows the knights have been good or bad. You'll be sorry when I get a great weapon and you're stuck with your crummy old weapons.

He'll come here because I have the most sincere pumpkin patch and he'll respect sincerity……. and my really cool armor.

Tres: Is he really coming?

Petro: Of coarse he is.

Tres: It does sound a bit doubtful.

Petro: Tres, you are a robot, I, on the other hand, am a human and I know much more about these things then you do.

Tres: That sounds logical.

Petro: Of coarse it is. Just leave everything to me.

Francesco: Aright, once and for all, are you coming or are you staying? We can't waste all night.

Tres: Trick-or-treating and going to a party does sound interesting but I think seeing a Great Pumpkin would be more educational.

(The others leave to go trick-or-treating.)

Petro: I glad you decided to stay so that you to can see the Great Pumpkin.

(They sit quietly together in the pumpkin patch.)

Petro: (yells) Ahhhhh, what are you doing?

Tres: I was informed that two people, alone in the moonlight always held hands.

Petro: That's if you're dating.

Tres: Then I won't be required to kiss you.

Petro: No!

Tres: Confirmative.

Petro: I just know the Great Pumpkin will pick this pumpkin patch. He just got to! I don't see how a pumpkin patch could be more sincere……maybe I should start crying.

--

Francesco: Alessandro, rings the door bell.

Alessandro: Nooooooooo, you can't make me. (He burst into tears)

Caterina: I'll do it.

(She rings the bell and they all say "trick-or-treat and get candy.)

Kate: Can we have an extra piece of candy for Brother Petro.

Paula: Yes, that imbecilic moron is out there disgracing his family, his comrades, his station, the Vatican, the city, and the world.

Kate: A little harsh there.

Paula: I name more people he's disgracing if she hadn't shut the door. It's so embarrassing that we have to ask for something extra for that idiot Petro.

--

Noelle: I got candy lipstick.

Esther: I got a Good and Plenty.

Leon: I got a Sugar Daddy.

Radu: I got Red Hots.

Abel: I got a rock.

All: Trick-or-treat.

Francesco: I got Tic-Tacs.

Caterina: I got Smarties.

Alessandria: I got Nerds.

Dietrich: I got a licorice rope

Abel: I got a rock.

All: Trick-or-treat.

Isaak: I got Pixy Sticks

Cain: I got a Mars Bar.

Asta: I got a jaw breaker.

Abel: I got a rock.

--

Esther: Hey what ever happened to William?

(William is sitting in his flying car, with his hand on the steering wheel.)

William: The apocalyptic war flying ace gets ready for his dawn patrol. His mission is to find the Red Vampire and shoot him down.

He is calm as he climbs into the cockpit of his plane, with a flip of the switch the motor starts and ship takes off into the air.

He flies expertly through the skies were the canons are booming in the air, he doges them at hair length.

Flying closer to the enemies, enough to even see their eye, he laughs mockingly in their face.

At last he has spotted him; the Red Vampire!

He fires down upon his target without mercy.

Suddenly an attack comes from behind raining shot after shot at his plane.

The damage is too much and his plane is heading downward, but he will go down with the ship, bravely, defiant in the face of his enemies.

(There is a knock on the window of his car.)

Leon: What are you doing in there, man? You are missing all the trick-or-treating.

William: (blushing) Well, I had the costume and I just wanted to kinda feel what it would have been like.

Leon: Whatever, I just need someone to help me carry my candy. I keep visiting the same houses, I just change my costume.

--

Esther: Come on everybody it time for the Halloween party.

(They pass Petro and Tres in the pumpkin patch)

Dietrich: Has the great pumpkin come yet?

Radu: You missed trick-or-treat and now you are going to miss the Halloween party.

Cain: What a way to spend Halloween.

(They laugh and walk away.)

Tres: They seem to be mocking you. Are you sure your information is correct?

Petro: Just wait, he'll be here.

--

(Everyone is at the Halloween party having fun.)

Cain: Abel we need you help with carving the pumpkin.

Abel: Me? You want me to help with the carving? I thought I was too clumsy.

Cain: All you have to do is stick you hand in the middle of the pumpkin.

Abel: Like this?

Cain: That's it. Go ahead Isaak.

Abel: Owwww! (Abel grabs his hand which is bleeding)

Isaak: See I told you the knife was sharp enough to cut through the shell.

--

Esther: Let's bob for apples!

Paula you go first.

(Paula goes to the bucket a dunks her head after the apple.)

Virgil: Hey, there is enough room for two, I going too.

(He also dunks his head in the bucket. They both come out of the water biting the same apple.)

Paula: Yuck! My lips touch vampire lips! Uck, yuck, poison vampire lips, uggg. (She runs off.)

Virgil: Does this mean I win?

--

William: I think I should check how Tres is doing?

Abel: I'll go with you.

--

Tres: This constant waiting in a pumpkin patch is getting quite ludicrous.

Petro: Just think, Tres, when the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch, we'll be hear to see him.

(Petro hears something and gets excited.)

Was that…..was that…….I hear the Great Pumpkin! There he is!

He's rising out of the pumpkin patch!

(Petro passes out.)

William: Abel, I told you to be more careful.

Abel: I can't help it; I tripped over a pumpkin vine.

(Petro becomes conscious again.)

Petro: What happened? Did I miss the great Pumpkin? What did he leave us? Did he leave me any weapons?

Tres: You were mistaken; it was Abel you saw, not the Great Pumpkin.

Abel: You mean you haven't seen the Great Pumpkin in all this time you were here?

Tres you've been robbed, when you could have gone trick-or- treating and got _candy_, or go to the party and got _candy_, or after the party and got more _candy,_ you spent your time in this stupid pumpkin patch.

Halloween comes only once a year and you've missed it. You've miss the _candy_! It outrageous, you should sue!

(Abel grabs Petro by the shirt)

You owe Tres restitution!

Tres: But Father Abel I don't eat…….

Abel: Come on, perhaps we can demand the others share candy with us… I mean you.

Petro: (To William): You've heard about fury and a women scorn haven't you?

William: Yes, I guess I have.

Petro: Well in nothing compared to a Crusnik and denial of candy.

(William starts to leave)

Petro: Hey aren't you going to wait and greet the Great Pumpkin? It won't be long now.

(William still leaves.)

If the Great Pumpkin comes, I'll still put in a good word for you.

"Oh no, I said "if". I meant when he comes. I'm doomed, one little slip like that can cause the Great Pumpkin go to some other knight's pumpkin patch.

Great Pumpkin where are you?

--

(It's four o' clock and Paula see's that Petro still has not come in. She goes out to the pumpkin patch where Petro is sound asleep, snoring loudly.

She takes out a rope and ties it tightly around his middle and then proceeds to drag him up all the stairs of the building.

When the reach the top he is still asleep, so she drags him down the hallway to his room.

She picks him up by his neck and hoists the top part of him into bed and then shoves the rest of him in bed.)

Paula: Sweet dreams, you disgrace to mankind.

--

Abel: Well, another Halloween has come and gone.

Petro: Yes, it's true.

Abel: Somebody told all the neighbors about how I act when I get too much candy, so all they gave me were rocks.

I suppose you kept waiting in your pumpkin patch?

Petro: Yes.

Abel: And the Great Pumpkin never came?

Petro: Nope.

Abel: Well, do take it too hard, Petro, I done a lot of stupid things in my life, too.

Petro: Take that back you knave. It was not an act of stupidity it was merely a matter of wrong location.

Next year I'll find a pumpkin patch that's real sincere, just you wait.

--

_I thought of this and just had to do it, I hope you liked it……… I'm so twisted._

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